Yes! Just now. Today. In Ado Ekiti.
You hear me right: the Ekiti State Governor,
His Excellency Biodun Abayomi Oyebanji,
was dragged to court and sentenced.
Read the full, step-by-step court reports.
Scene opens in the Court of Nigerian Mediocrity. The gallery is packed with murmuring spectators. Journalists balance their pens. A town crier bellows outside. The accused, Governor Biodun Abayomi Oyebanji, sits calmly in the dock, adjusting his glasses.
Court Clerk (reading the charge sheet in a loud voice):
“My Lords, the accused stands trial for high crimes against mediocrity. He is charged with:
Creating the Ekiti State Bureau of Tourism Development and forcing it to work like jackals — ferocious, restless, efficient.
Reviving Ikogosi Warm Springs Resort through PPP, displacing lizards and goats.
Completing the Ekiti International Cargo Airport, linking Ekiti to global skies.
Completing one of Nigeria’s most beautiful bus terminals, thereby insulting the agbero brotherhood.
Tarring roads to tourism sites, depriving tourists of their baptism in mud.
Inaugurating a Tourism Policy and a Tourism Development Master Plan sequentially, as though strategy is a Nigerian value.
Taking the Minister of Tourism and DG NIHOTOUR to hike Abanijorin Rock of Wonders, Iyin, Easter 2023.
Leading over 4,000 hikers up Sagbonke Mountain, Efon Alaaye, Easter 2024, turning a holy holiday into a carnival of sweat.
Training 50 tour guides through NIHOTOUR, betraying the national heritage of guesswork.
Inviting UN Tourism to co-draft a state policy — the first in Nigerian history.
Branding Ekiti so boldly that, after his DG placed a Visit Ekiti cap on Vice President Kashim Shettima, the VP proudly used the photo on his digital platforms, selling Ekiti as Nigeria’s No. 1 tourism state.
Winning Most Active Tourism State 2023 and becoming Tourism Governor of the Year 2024.
And finally, strengthening security by empowering Amotekun Corps, Peace Corps, and Agro Marshals, driving away miscreants and marauders, making Ekiti safe for business and leisure.”
[Gasps in the gallery. Some spectators clap before being silenced by the bailiff.]
Prosecutor (with dramatic flourish):
“My Lords, these are not achievements. These are atrocities against the holy order of mediocrity. If unchecked, this man will make Nigeria proud. And we all know pride is un-Nigerian.”
Judge:
“Call the witnesses!”
Witness One: The Agbero from Lagos
[enters with towel on neck, chewing stick, chest out]
“Na me o! I came from Ojuelegba to testify. This Oyebanji man dey spoil market. He build bus terminal wey clean pass airport. Everything orderly — drivers queue, passengers relax, agbero no fit shout ‘Ojuelegba! Oshodi! Enter with your change o!’ He has killed our profession. If every state do am, na we go suffer. Guilty!”
[Laughter erupts in the gallery. Judge bangs gavel.]
Witness Two: The Old Lizard from Ikogosi
[slithers to the witness stand, shaking tail]
“Before Oyebanji, Ikogosi was our kingdom. Empty chalets, cracked pools — we lizards reigned supreme. But this man chased us away with PPP, renovations, and tourists taking selfies. He destroyed our ancestral palace. Guilty!”
[The crowd roars. A journalist sketches the lizard.]
Witness Three: The Marauder from the Highway
[clad in torn camouflage, voice hoarse]
“Before Oyebanji, we ruled these roads. We blocked, we robbed, we thrived. But now? With Amotekun patrols, Peace Corps boots, and Agro Marshals in the fields, we can’t breathe. He ruined our business. Guilty!”
Witness Four: The Tarred Road (now asphalted)
[appears in shining black suit, smooth and proud]
“My Lords, I used to be the real test of tourism. I swallowed cars, baptized tourists in mud, broke their shocks — memories that lasted a lifetime. Now, look at me — smooth, tarred, lifeless. Oyebanji killed my suffering heritage. Guilty!”
[The gallery murmurs in sympathy. Some cry. Others laugh.]
Prosecutor (bowing):
“You see, My Lords? The evidence is overwhelming. Oyebanji has committed the unforgivable crime of progress.”
Judge (sternly, banging gavel):
“Governor Oyebanji, you have heard the charges and the testimonies. What say you in your defense?”
Oyebanji’s Defense
[The Governor rises slowly. The gallery falls silent. He clears his throat and smiles faintly.]
“My Lords, I confess.
I created a Bureau that works like jackals.
I revived Ikogosi.
I built an airport, a bus terminal, roads.
I climbed Abanijorin Rock in 2023,
and led 4,000 hikers up Sagbonke in 2024.
I trained guides.
I invited UN Tourism.
I branded Ekiti until the Vice President himself wore our cap.
I made Ekiti the Most Active Tourism State.
I became Tourism Governor of the Year.
I empowered Amotekun, Peace Corps, and Agro Marshals to keep Ekiti safe.
If these be crimes, then I am guilty. But let history record that my only sin was to believe that tourism could transform my state. And if I must be condemned, then let me be condemned for progress.”
[Thunderous applause fills the courtroom. The judge bangs gavel repeatedly.]
Judge (smiling reluctantly):
“This court finds you guilty — not of neglect, but of vision. Guilty of efficiency. Guilty of branding. Guilty of turning Ekiti into the Land of Wonders.”
Sentence:
“To remain forever celebrated as the Governor who dared to make tourism an economic destiny for Ekiti State ‘
Court adjourned.
Court !!!!
The gallery rises in ovation. The agbero grumbles. The lizard hisses. The marauder retreats. The tarred road shines quietly. And Oyebanji walks out — guilty of progress.
Outside, the crowd erupts into frenzy. Jubilation galore!
A band of BAOISTS, led by one Bobby Mebolosirin, alias No Takulaya, gently lifted him onto their shoulders, chanting:
“Ewo Asia BAO lojude!
Asia BAO Repete!”
As this was going on, Ogidi Olu Alaro appeared with his band, drumming and singing:
“Iwo laiwa,
Iwo la dibo fun,
Iwo la wole,
Ka serun sefa gbe apoti gomina Lekiti,
Iwo la wole ooo e!”
And then another group screamed in chorus:
“BAO! 4+4 = 8. No shaking!”
Court!!!
By – Wale Ojo Lanre ESQ
